Hey y’all hey !
Happy Saturday !!
My new normal.
Actually, it’s my old normal and I love it.
I come alive in the classroom and I had almost forgotten that.
With this full moon in Pisces, my heart is also full as my next adventure manifests.
This week, I made the decision to go from an Instructional #Substitute to a Full Time #Educator and I couldn’t be happier.
(Help me remember this on the inevitable “What the hell was I thinking?!” days.
It’s the right kind of b-a-n-a-n-a-s (did you sing it? I always do.)
as things come together.
I’ll be talking about the new developments more on IG Live/IGTV, but for now I have #TeacherStuff to do.
I would have to say that this is a fairly accurate depiction of
me on Monday, as I sat in my Spirit Room, typing up Tarot summaries for
“Malaika you got fired and smiled?”
Sure…and I also totally melted down!
Monday, just days after getting the Spiritual
Encouragement to create an ad offering my Tarot reading services and share
it on social media, I received a call from the Office Manager that began,
“Effective Immediately…” And I knew what it was. The reasoning she gave me
was soft, my defense was softer. There was no need to defend myself, the
decision was made before she called me. After all the conversation didn’t begin
with “I want to discuss…” Nope, they were decidedly canning me.
Normally, I don’t labor in my Spirit Room. I know that Spirit doesn’t like the
electromagnetic waves and general noise of all the devices (laptops, tablets,
phones, etc.) I also know that Spirit requires me to be present and when I am
on the laptop or phone I am not being attentive to Spirit. As I worked in the
Spirit that day I knew it was where I need to be to harness and ground the
energy. Then the call came and 1 min and 41 secs. later I was FIRED, TERMINATED, LET GO, RELEASED,
“Malaika, you said you had a meltdown… Umm this sounds very
peaceful and euphoric.”
Wait for it… Listen, I don’t even think I said “Good-bye” to
the person who called me (who I actually like a lot and that is a lot for me in
relation to supervisor people) because I was in shock… I could feel the knots
in my throat and my stomach and the hotness in my ears and eyes, signaling the
imminent tears that were coming in response to the loss…
“So then you melted down, right?”
Nope, I sat there for about 2 minutes taking it in.
then I called Love. I didn’t reach her and I sat there another minute
knowing I couldn’t call, text, or message anybody else until I had a
conversation with my partner about this life shifting transition. When Love called
back (a minute later) we discussed what had happened and why and I could hear
her freaking out, I could hear her melting down internally. I went through a
series of questions and actions (including having her send me a photo so I
could scan her and see how she was doing behind the ok). At this point I still had not melted down. I finished the
work before me and then went on about the duties of the day. Picking up my
daughter from school, telling her and being reassured “You didn’t lose the job, the job lost you.”
I made calls, inboxed, and texted people who I work with on various projects
and told them, the resounding sentiment was “It
will work out.” I was assured that this was for the best. I was reminded of all
my gifts, talents and even degrees. My ability to make a way, to hustle, to get
shit done was emphasized. Then I picked up Love from work. And after exchanging
pleasantries, as I pulled of the lot heading home, it finally happened…
“By it, you mean you had the meltdown?Yep… I drove and cried and snotted and realized my fears and
released my fears and drove and cried and snotted some more. None
of the affirming messages that I heard mattered in that moment, face to face
with the other person in this space who was being asked to stand in that gap. I
was afraid that this would be too much for Love. We have been through so many
major life transitions in such a brief time, including the loss of parents,
unemployment, moving, and moving again. This felt/feels different though
because this year we signed a two-year lease, this was my two-year anniversary
at the job, I had recently been promoted again, was eligible for a raise, had
accumulated over 80 hours in paid vacation, and finally got my dream shift. This felt different because we finally
felt stable. This felt different because I fought for this job and I liked this
job, liked my supervisors ad coworkers and in so many ways I was thriving. This
felt different because this shook up our comfort and stability. By the time we
pulled up outside of our home, the seemingly endless stream of tears had
stemmed. By the time we pulled up outside of our home we were still intact as a
couple. By the time we pulled up outside of our home, I had cried and snotted
most of the fear out. As we sat in the driveway a few more minutes I was able
to get my face and my emotions together. And a plan.
“Oh so you did meltdown.”
And I needed to. I needed to acknowledge the very real feelings of loss and
fear and attend to them. I also needed to lean into the affirmations that I
received. I needed to process my emotions (energy in motion) so that I could
accept what was and what was on the horizon. Through the week I have reflected
on what happened and why it needed to happen. Ultimately, I am being forced to
live authentically. My comfort was taken away, so that I could walk the talk. I
mean how am I going to read Tarot for folks and service Spirit and also live in
fear of my own foundation being shaken by something so temporal as working for
somebody else. I can say all day long that I am in service to Spirit for the
best of my family and community, but when I am moved out of my comfort zone, I
am being asked- quite literally- “Are
you really ‘bout this life?”
Are you really about the life
of lining up with your soul’s purpose and divine gifts, like you tell your folx
to do? Are you really about this working for yourself life? Are you really about taking a look at where you are in imbalance
and doing the work to bring about balance? Are you really about believing that The Source has made provisions
for you and is your employer? Are you really about showing up authentically?
answer is a resounding
YES! I AM ABOUT THAT
And I am in gratitude for all that I am, all that
I have and all that has happened. I am in gratitude for the road and the
opportunities that have been opened to me. I am in gratitude for knowing that
whatever I perceived as loss has been something that no longer served me being
removed and making room for the greater thing that is to come. I hope this
message finds a place with you for the space in your life that is also ready to
be filled with GREATness!