I know my rights…

(soundtrack The BreakUp)

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I think she’s an emotional terrorist,
a master manipulator. I knew it early on. I got sucked in, despite knowing
better. I thought I could and would do something different. I wasn’t going to
fix her because she didn’t need to be fixed. I was going to love her where she
was. I was going to love, affirm, and support her.

In retrospect I have nobody to blame, but myself. I knew. I could have, should
have, would have listened but my ego is too big. I saw the signs, I saw the
bodies, I saw the carnage of the previous relationships, but I thought I was
different. I thought I was special. I thought that I had ascended from
apprehensive acquaintance to full family. I was nothing. I am now a body.

We ended it amicably. We had conversations. We did proper checkouts. It was over,
and we went our separate ways. Slowly others ghosted or faded from the picture
as well, new alliances were formed. They did not check out. I think ghosting is just another form of
emotional terrorism…

I soldiered on. I was
strong. I kept a smile on my face. I didn’t gossip.  I was minimally petty. I didn’t say unkind
things. I was the bigger person. I withdrew my support silently. I kept moving
forward, but when her name was spoken I had violent reactions. My body would
become heavy and my spirit vexed, sometimes to the point of becoming physically
ill. The seer told me in a reading many months ago to extract myself, to cut
all ties. I should have, could have, would have listened. I kind of listened. I
DID NOT listen.

I heard what she was doing, I knew what she was doing because people told me
and because I looked. We were still “friends” on social media. Periodically, I
would torture myself by going to her feeds and forcing a like, reaction, or
comment long after she stopped reciprocating. I convinced myself of her generosity,
extrapolated from the times that she had done me some kindness. I convinced
myself that along a long enough timeline it would all be ok. We would be ok. We
would be friends, maybe family again.

I am clear now, my own behavior was toxic. I felt like I had to stay connected
to control the narrative. I felt like I had to stay connected to control my
image. I didn’t want my own judgments about me to be true. Maybe I wasn’t a
good friend, sister, person.

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It took me months to
finally admit how hurt I was. It took me months to finally admit to myself let
alone another human how afraid, sad, broken, disappointed, betrayed and angry I
felt. I was at the precipice of Angry Black Woman. Not the trope, but the
reality of being chronically angry.  I
reached out to a long- time friend and asked him, “What is an Angry Black
Woman?”  His words resonated with the
truth taking up space in my mind, body, and spirit. 

 

“A chronically angry, black, woman is one who has been
disappointed over and again; not wanting to give up or lower [her] expectations
[she] sizzles with discontent.”

I made a choice that day
not to jump, not to fall, not to be sucked into to that place.
I admitted all my pain, to myself. I acknowledged that I needed time to rest,
heal, and recover. I called it going on hiatus.

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What dropped into my spirit
brought me into alignment with my reality. I needed a sabbatical. I didn’t need
to hit pause. This was not an interruption, break, opening. This was a closing.
This was an intentional stopping and going inward to access the damage and
taking time to rehabilitate. An intentional opportunity to clean, suture, and
maybe even cauterize my wounds.

A day later… she texted
out of the blue. Fishing for a compliment. She had accomplished a thing. I knew
what the thing was before I asked, before she shared. We haven’t spoken in
months. She sent a text to make sure I wasn’t swept away in Hurricane Irma, but
so did another toxic individual- after all, they are not without their humanity.
I did not get drawn in. I did not respond with shade, pettiness, anger, bitterness,
or even indifference. I stood in my feelings and responded, “Good for you. I am
on Sabbatical. Peace.” And without missing a beat the follow up message, “I’m
getting ready to go to [redacted] to [redacted].”  My response, “I’m mentally and spiritually in
a place of healing currently and I am not in a space to discuss [redacted].
Good for you and your accomplishments.” Finally, the dry “Thanks” came through.
She understood. But just in case she didn’t, I sent “Peace” and then I blocked
her from texting/calling me. 

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It had been months,
maybe a year or more since I found myself to be in a toxic enough space to feel
the need to block a real person that I had once had a relationship with. (I do
not consider blocking trolls to be the same, that is a necessary health measure
I exercise regularly.)

This was reclaiming my time, space, self, wellness,
and mental health in real time.  

I very carefully backed out
of all spaces we once shared. I had unfollowed months ago.  I had unfriended weeks ago. (Yes, she called
after I had unfriended her). Now, was the time for me to make bold moves,
execute radical Self Care and Self Love. In this moment, I began to
systematically and ritualistically block her on every social media platform
that I have. With each restriction I visualized myself, retracting a piece of
myself and becoming whole. My whole is now fragmented, and I am actively
recovering all the pieces. I will pull those pieces together and bond them and
fill in the spaces and gaps until I feel full and restored.

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Kintsugi is recognizing the beauty in broken things.

Maybe I will fill in the spaces with gold or glitter.

I am clear now about my role in my ongoing psychological and spiritual warfare.
I am clear now on how I invited and hosted this drama in my life. I am clear
about what I owe myself. I am clear about my rights and responsibilities to myself.

Unfollow, unfriend, pause and block are all forms of Self Care that I owe to
me.
[re]Claiming my self, time, space, mental health, well-being, and spirit are imperative
and are acts of Radical Self Love. Because I care for myself I can disengage from
toxicity (behavior and relationships) without guilt or shame. I DO NOT have to fix things. I DO NOT have to be the bigger person.
Negotiating/engaging with an emotional terrorist DOES NOT make me better, it is unhealthy.

·        
I have the right NOT to interact.

·        
I have the right to protect my spaces in/on
social media.

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I have a right to deny access.

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I dictate what is safe and healthy for my
overall well-being.

Adventures in BEing Sober

Hey Y’all Hey!

So it’s another week and I am not even counting the days of sobriety anymore… I know that for the immediate future I will still not be drinking… And also remaining sober…

Yes, you read that correctly. Not drinking and sobriety are different things. Not drinking, simplly means abstaining from alcohol, while being sober is about being present, aware, and clear.

Sound a little abstract and New-Agey?

Maybe it is… Maybe because when I started shedding the bullshit, I literally made room and space for me to BE and to Be Open to some clear and possibly different interpretations and impressions related to the High Power, me, and Life…

No, I still haven’t been to a meeting, but the meetings (as they were) have been coming to me. That is to say… I have been finding the messages that I needed (or rather they have found me) and the guidance and the support and then some more messages that revealed and confirmed what I needed. (Messages are soooooooooo much better than challenges on top of growth for the growth through challenges while growing through growth.)

It’s actually very straight forward and not abstract or obtuse at all… When you get clear, the path opens up for you to get and have what you need.

One of the things that I have been consistent about is drinking tea…

Yes, Tea! I have even ritualized the tea… Making it part of my daily regimen of getting started. Taking time to read those little inspirational tea tags. It’s a simple thing that sometimes has a profound effect. Maybe it gives me advice, sometimes a challenge, and always something to share. 

Another thing I have done has been to change my eating habits gradually… So over the last month, especially since detoxing, I have been returning to a plant-based, whole foods lifestyle. No, not a diet… (Remember up there when I said I shed the bullshit, DIETS ARE BULLSHIT… Temporary quick fixes… and as quickly as you do it and get results, is about how quickly you’ll be back to whatever you were on before)>>>>Steps off of soap box<<<< 

So… Yeah I have just been adding more fruits and vegetables and actually eating breakfast!!! LISTEN, there are plenty of times I’ll say and stand by “FUCK WHAT YA HEARD!”

Breakfast being the most important meal of the day, is not one of those times.

Now… that we have cleared that up… 

Getting proper rest, nutrition, and some dose of something good for your spirit will set you up for success everyday. Like seriously, when things get difficult (and they will and do) trust me that being tired and hungry (undernourished physically and spiritually) will only exacerbate the issue.

So yeah, put good things in so you can get good things out. There is no specific dogma that I am a fan of or promote, just listen to yourself, what aligns with you, what feels balanced. Hell, I meditate and do yoga, sometimes while listening to trap music… What works, works  and The Truth is already there. 

My balance currently looks like revisiting Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much. I have been reading this book for about three years and this year from a space of clarity I am receiving so much gold from it and I have finally been able to retire the Title, Crown and Scepter as The Empress of Excessive Activities. Oh and not pick up some more stuff… I am BEing and not DOing. Gloooray!!! 

I am also doing real Sankofa work (click here for more info) with Mother Iyanla, going back 15 years and completing One Day My Soul Just Opened Up. Yeah, it’s work… All of the work!!! And I finally fell back in love with myself in a way that I am clear I haven’t in a long time that allows me to know that I am worth it… <<< That sounded a little corny and cliche… But shit, IT’S TRUE!!!

I am currently listening to good music, eating good food, drinking good water, getting good rest, and receiving good messages from everywhere (even the ones that don’t feel good initially)…  And I wish the same for you. 

Well, WE made it another week! Happy FriYay Y’all!!! 

To keep up with the journey daily… like the page on FB and follow on IG.

Until Next Time…

Love, Light and All The Beauty,

Women’s Empowerment WINSday Profile: Chek AHKI, Delicious Indigenous

 

Sepsenahki “Chef Ahki “ Aahkhu, CEO of Delicious Indigenous Foods is a celebrity chef,natural foods activist and nutritional counselor. A native of Oklahoma, now calling Atlanta home she has the distinction of being the only Non-Hybrid Vegan Food Chef. Her message of non-hybrid and electric foods has caught fire with mature health nuts and young foodies. Her social media presence is filled with real time relevant content, a highly interactive community, practical tips, tools and recipes. Ahki uses seasonal, organic, fresh non-hybrid fruits and vegetables to create living food recipes designed to heal bodies and enhance lives

                      

I had a chance to catch up with the Power.Full. Magical. Electric Chef at July’s Naturals In the City 3 and capture some footage of her bringing Electric Foods 101 to the Memphis Crowd… The gracious chef also gave me permission to share the recipe for her Real Green Burrito exclusively on #purplehairandconverse (for the full recipe go to www.chefahki.com)

Chef Ahki sites Dr. Sebi (learn about Dr. Sebi by clicking the link) as her biggest influence and says Vikter Duplaix is her go to music when she is #cheffin and #whippinpots! Some other take aways from Ahki:

  • Get at least half (½) your hydration from fruits and vegetables (non-hybrid of course)… 
  • DRINK REAL COCONUT WATER!!! (not the stuff that comes in a box! Drink water from young, white or green, fresh Thai coconuts. NOT the BROWN junts/jawns/joints!)
  • Use asafetida (click the link for more info), shallot, or onion powder to replace garlic in cooking. Garlic is a good medicinal, but should be used sparingly in food preparations. 
  • Replace your soy based products like liquid aminos (try coconut aminos oh and coconut nectaras a sweetner)
  • Use Roma, Grape, or Cherry tomatoes <<< they’re non-hybrid  (NOT BEEFSTEAK!)
  • Also choose red over white onions.
  • Get yourself a food processor! It doesn’t have to be expensive, I purchased mine for $25 from Walgreen’s 4 years ago and we still choppin’ it up!

And now… Highlights of Chef Ahki’s  Electric Food 101 @ NITC 3.

                                              

Raw Burrito/The Real Green Burrito Ingredients:

Taco “Meat”

  • walnuts (ground) seasoned w/ coconut aminos, pink salt, paprika, cumin, cilantro, coriander seed, chili powder, olive oil, palm oil, garlic or garlic substitute

Sassy Black Rice

  • black rice (soaked not cooked)
  • tomato 
  • jalapeño

  • red onion
  • garlic or garlic substitute, turmeric, coconut nectar

Salsa Fresca

  • tomato, cucumber, red onion, cilantro, jalapeño, lemon, cumin, coriander

Simple Guacamole

  • avocado, red onion, tomato

for more recipes or the specifics of how she rocked and wrapped this contact Chef Ahki here >>> chefahki@gochefahki.com