FriYAY… not WINSday, what’s this blog doing here? And who moved
your cheese? It’s here because I finally am feeling more together
and have completed 28 days of sobriety (Yep, like Rehab. But, you
And me… I
moved your damned cheese. And for the time being Adventures In…
will be posted on FriYAYS!!!
less long… around Day 22, I realized that I had lots of gaps and
that I hadn’t posted promised blogs in like 2 or 3 weeks (but I
have posted the inspirational/spiritual things and my journey inward
consistently… so there is that) …And also around Day 22 it seemed
like everything was converging so quickly, I couldn’t find the time
or energy to write (and then I also got mad at y’all because things
were hard and I was wondering why nobody was like no Malaika… Stop…
Don’t do that shit… Chill).
By the way, I
got over my Big, Huge Mad at y’all when I realized I was really
just Big, Huge mad at me… So we still cool, right?
Things to keep
in mind (or know if you are just now joining this adventure):
was diagnosed with
General Anxiety and has been mostly on meds for the better part of 20
* I was
diagnosed with Acute Social Anxiety Disorder, Bi-Polar (Manic
Depression was the official original diagnosis), Obsessive Compulsive
Disorder, and PTSD. I am med free for 15 years, self-medicating with
alcohol for 25 years.
did a 3 week step
down from Effexor.
* I quit
drinking cold turkey.
using Kava Kava.
and I are detoxing
(which involves withdrawals from actually coming off of drugs and
and I are two
women off of everything (including our rockers) living and loving and
navigating the world with diagnosed mental illnesses. What could go
have been a smooth mix of Zen & Grimy… Like my mantra has been…
crazy most days… Really crazy… Highly emotional. We are both
water signs a Cancer and a Pisces (just imagine a calm sea, that
turns into that thing from Pirates of the Caribbean when Calypso is
released or The Kraken).
No, really we have both been
walking on egg shells for the past 4 weeks… And those eggs shells
are really a mine field of emotional trigger bombs… This is only
the slightest of exaggerations… Because between the nausea,
sometimes vomiting, diarrhea, headaches, and dizziness, there is also
the sadness, the anger, the guilt, the shame, the passive-aggressive,
petty, and fragile.
Towards the beginning this me on
nah I mean REALLY?”
2. “Gimme 5 feet”
3. “Oh My
4. “Fuck this shit!”
at Day 28… Trust it’s a lot more:
Now that I am
on this side of the first 28 and things look a lot clearer. Let me
say… I think me, Her,
and Amy (God Bless
The Dead) should’ve taken our asses to rehab… Because we, she,
and I almost didn’t make it…
But here we are… I have
28 days and she is
counting in months now. And we are still alive.
there is one thing I can say for sure from here. SELF-CARE and
SELF-LOVE are imperatives and you have to get to the point where you
love and care enough about you that you choose your good health.
wait… I’m getting ahead of myself and there is so much I want to
share… Because that is what happens when you have 2 solid weeks of
notes of the crazy that has ensued… And a week of silence and
challenges and growth and challenges on top of your challenges for
won’t keep you long ( well not COGIC/Holiness/Black Church on
Pastor’s Appreciation Day long) since I plan on making this an
things first, there is has been hella growth over the last month for
both of us… (although I cannot speak directly for what it looks
like for her,
I can certainly share how I experienced it.)
NOT drink the Kava Tea… I was mad at first, then I drank it and I
relaxed… I have several teas for relaxing… The teas don’t work
fast enough in a crisis (blow up or melt down) but overall, they are
great for unwinding at the end of the day. You have to learn some
other skills to deal otherwise Kava Kava, St. John’s Wort, a
rabbit’s foot, or four leaf clover are just doing the same thing
the drugs and alcohol do/did. They will treat the symptom, but not
cure the disease or heal the wound.
By all definitions I am a recovering alcoholic. High Functioning,
HELL YEAH! And it may come as a surprise to some but the reason why I
can “handle my liquor,” is because I have had lots of practice,
social drinking to ease my acute social anxiety, drinking to be
social (fun, the life of the party), drinking to celebrate, drinking
to ease pain (physical and emotional), drinking to feel normal and
balanced, drinking because of sadness, or out of anger… Drinking
because I have to go to school or work or because I don’t. Rest
assured I am not being extra… Before I chose sobriety (which is
different than “I quit drinking”) I was drinking an average of ½
gallon on hard liquor a week (that does not include drinks when I
went out or wine in addition to the hard liquor). So yeah… Not sure
what that means, check it out here.
familiar… Maybe should should take a look at this…
finally you are an adult (hopefully, though I was not when I started
drinking… And thank the Gawds of Melanin I don’t look like what I
have drank or been through) I can suggest you drink responsibly, I
can tell you to get help or quit drinking or heal the wound, but
ultimately the decision is yours and I am too averse to standing on
soap boxes, so I’ll just leave this
in case you recognize an issue and want to do something about it…
You know something less unorthodox than your own DIY rehab/detox.
If you are serious you will have to detox because it takes longer
than a week or two or 28 days to become sober. You will have quit
drinking and be triggered and or have cravings. And you may have
physical symptoms (Remember when she
was sick at work? Well before it was all over, I was sick. Shakes,
sweats, joint pain, bowel issues, fatigue…IT was ugly). I did a
was helpful in getting the shit (literally) out of my system.
addition you will have to detox your lifestyle and that may mean
avoiding people, places, and thing that are related to the behavior
until you get to a place where you have some skills to navigate those
spaces (and you may not have those or get those skills). So you
might have to detoxify your relationships, social media feeds, music…
I did all of that… I Feng Shuied my Facebook Feed and my home. I
created a sanctuary in my office, both a sacred and safe space for me
to retreat to… I used IG for accountability and shared my daily
meditations. And I meditated, did yoga, drank a whole jar of holy
water… No, I didn’t but I did reconcile with my love or Erykah’s
Music and eat good and healthy food.
This is by no means
an exhaustive list of the process. But it’s a start and as I
said….WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY up there, this will be happening FriYAYs and
I will be taking your through this with me…
Love, Light and All The Beauty,