“ the sky looked like an old memory…” –Erin Swinney
today is tuesday, june 21st… officially the first day of summer. the solstice. a park day. a beach day. a pool day . a day to take the dogs out for a game of frisbee. but for me it is a grey day. a don’t get out of bed day. a day filled with insomnia, dark circles and unshed tears. apparently, the sun and the weather agree with me as the first day of summer is blanketed in grey and the sky also struggles to contain itself, letting but a few droplets fall intermittently. the air seems moody, melancholy, filled with a general malaise. it seems tailored to my mood and i wonder, if the weather is affecting my emotions or are my emotions affecting the weather. 

yep, i have the blues, the greys, the browns, the blechs, the blahs… for a professed, proclaimed, optimist, the blahs are my bottom. my depression. the lowest i will allow myself to sink. it’s a mind over matter thing, but sometimes the matter piles up and the mind is subjugated to darkness and depth. and in these recesses i find myself in the bottom of a gelatin.type snack. in the ink of a pen. the clicks of the keys under my fingertips. the warmth of my children as they curl up next to me and ensure my happiness. smile. resolve. and anchor me to reality, lest i drown in the deep.end of the pool of my thoughts. 

as i direct all of my positive energy towards my intentions and resist the urge to be overcome by mounting responsibilities or beset by grief, i recall. 

i recall that the times get tough. the times change. and they get tougher. but i remain confident in our resiliency. we don’t just bounce back, we bounce better. we lose. we are robbed. we don’t have. checks are late or come not. and yet we survive. make a way. thrive. the blues. jazz. rock. hip.hop. beauty.full art, color, and sound have been creatively birthed from seemingly infinite sadness and an oft unfathomable depth of sorrow, but deeper still is our purpose. conviction. a necessity to abide. a good friend. the Big Lebowski. farewells. hi.lo (s). new babies. new siblings. new couplings. new kisses. fresh linens. the puppy that is well and lonely and lost and confused without his brother depending on you to make things all better. there are still words to be written. melodies to be composed. canvases yearning for color and life. waiting wombs. impatient cells waiting to regenrate. a baby craning it’s little neck to see what you see. get just a little glimpse of this world. and you and i. unafraid. undeterred. the sun finally emerges late in the day to create a master.full sunset. i smile knowingly. 

ALL the beauty!!! 
manic midnight marauder 
despairing dog owner 
aspiring blogger 


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